Currently, I’m sitting on the fifth floor of Weldon and instead of studying for my last final tonight, I’m clacking away on my laptop with my fingers still coated in the remnants of the bliss bar I just inhaled. This semester has flown by so fast that I can barely remember it. That’s saying something considering I was sober for most of it. This year has really hit me hard. I feel like I’ve matured more in this past year than I have since getting to university. The term “adulting” has become obsolete in my vocabulary as you realize that cooking a proper meal or hitting the gym or doing your laundry isn’t really something to brag about – it’s shit every normal functioning human should do. I think that when you realize that responsibilities are just part of life and that you just need to fucking deal instead of bitch and complain is when you really start to realize that you’re growing up.
The people you interact with can really impact how you look at the world and it’s important to surround yourself not only with people who you get along with but also people who have views that either inspire you or challenge you. This year I’ve learned that it’s ok to cut people out of your life. I’ve always been more on the timid and passive side but if you’re not going to take charge of your own life, who will? If you’re too scared to stand up for yourself no one is going to do it for you, so girlfriend, grow a backbone and learn to say no once in a while. It’s ok to disagree with someone. World peace isn’t going to happen soon and you telling someone that you don’t agree with them isn’t going to cause the third World War either. Sometimes you realize how insignificant your actions are in the grand scheme of things and that it’s ok to be selfish for a moment. Not every action should revolve around yourself but not every action should be made to please everyone expect yourself either. This year for me has been about finding balance, about finding the appropriate amount of everything. It’s been about pushing boundaries and really getting to explore parts of me that I suppress normally. Yes, I’m aware how godawful that description is but it’s how I genuinely feel. Yes, experiences shape us but I think that everyone does in some sense know exactly who they are. They know what they like and don’t like and how they react to situations. They know what parts of themselves they suppress or keep in the background and what parts they outwardly display. This year for me has been about exploring even the aspects I don’t normally display. I’ve allowed myself to be selfish at times, to be petty, to be overly emotional – things that i usually never do and look at with disdain. You can’t be whole unless you allow the parts to be summed up; or some other bullshit about the whole is less than the sum of its parts.
Honestly I can say that 2016 for me was a good year. I discovered myself in ways that I never have. I laughed. I cried. I lived. I don’t give a flying fuck how cheesy and nonsensical that may sound, that is how I feel, and I’m unapologetic for that. I never will be apologetic for feeling how I feel again. Everything is valid. Not everything you feel may be good or right, but everything is valid. Don’t discredit who you are as a person, and don’t allow things or people to define you in ways you don’t want to be defined. Colour outside the lines if you will, for someone with mild ocd the thought makes me cringe a little, but that’s what this year has been for me. Taking risks, doing things I don’t normally do. Becoming the unexpected. Cheers to 2017 and whatever it may bring. Every year has its shitty parts but it also has its highlights, so stop fucking whining and complaining and just live. You can’t change your circumstances, but you can change your mindset. Don’t apologize for who you are. Don’t be scared to take a risk once in a while, you might surprise yourself. I know I did.